Grinding my teeth

This afternoon I had the realization that with 6 weeks left it might be time to let live some of the provocative inconsistencies of my job for good. Perhaps related to a questionable rash I have contracted from the kids and might need an injection in my butt to fully heal. Blast. There always seems to be some reason that it is hard to get into a rhythm, family illnesses, vacations, internet boyfriends in town, change of employment, and sighting of big snakes…
Whatever it is, consistency is no virtue and it becomes all hogwash to preach to the choir somedays and throw cares to the wind the next 4 days. Most consistent in its inconsistency, this is a system that always allows excuses. Pleas are heard and pardoned- even the most vulgar. The result that I see is that the delivery of the message is nothing. Give each person’s word 50% likelihood and keep note of specific incidents of higher performance according to whether their word matches with their action. For mothers and adults this is a lost cause, it is how they’ve learned to communicate and treat their commitments, to live day to day. The reality being that because everyone abides by this system of “if it happens, it happens” that means it’s institutionalized in banks, bakeries and hell the governor has to relax expectations. Therein lies the brutal circle. I mean and I may bitch, but I’m no type A personality, friends. Failed promises create a slippery slope and an unreliable hogwash of a way to communicate and most pangs me with the kids.
And until those inconsistencies are smoothed out we will be left defining and re-defining the objectives of the kids program rather than setting a definition and growing the program.

On the flip side, my berating of this attitude toward commitments is overdone. As a task-oriented program organizer it makes me want to bash my head against a brick wall, but as a friend of my co-workers I see that this orientation towards family and loved ones is the most pardonable of offenses. Without question, people come through on their promises to care for another, celebrate and thank one another. No matter the circumstances it is hard to throw together a meeting last minute, but a party can be worked up in under an hour. I am consistently blown away by the thought and appreciation kids and their mothers express.

So, I’d say a graph summarizing my job would show irregular marks for productivity, but showing consistent and high for satisfaction. Long-term results? I'll get back to you on that later.

Speaking of satisfaction: I like hammocks and pretty flowers